I’m having one of those really predictable Mondays where nothing is going to plan. I haven’t made it to the gym, I’m tired from working all day and my friend keeps trying to make me go over to her house to drink wine because this seems to be the only solution to solving my bad mood. I have very much resisted the urge to text back: “Fuck it, I’ll be there in 5”, because it’s Monday and each Monday marks the beginning of a fresh new start.
Does anyone else do this? “Oh, let’s just start Monday”. Monday arrives and you fail miserably, continuing the bad behaviour throughout the week because who starts anything on a Tuesday? Or mid-week? Or god-forbid starting anything close to the weekend. It just doesn’t fit. Monday is the day for fresh starts.
Anyway, 3 green teas in and I’m going to have to switch it up a bit. Maybe a nice strong coffee will help? All I know is my mood is getting worse due to the fact I wrote a blog post on How I Feel About Children’s Birthday Parties and I’m not feeling overly pleased about how it sounds. I know we are all our own worst critics, but I tested the water by letting Rich read it and he didn’t seem keen.
Hmm… OK so he isn’t exactly my target audience– he’s not a 30-something woman with no children– but he still likes the majority of the stuff I write about so his critique has kinda left me feeling flat. Which is what lead me to write this blog post.
You may have already guessed, due to the number of mistakes I’ve made so far in my short-lived blogging career (who confuses piece and peace? Major school boy error!), that writing isn’t something which comes naturally to me. I didn’t stand out in school for my writing skills nor have I done any further classes or courses to better my writing, but I have always loved it. Even as a child, I would spend hours in my bedroom writing short stories about my imaginary pony who I would one day go on to own.
Like anything that doesn’t come naturally, writing is hard. When I initially had the idea of starting this blog, I wrote a really angry piece (not peace) about wanting more from life. I read it aloud and I was actually embarrassed by the words and their bitter undertones. So I left it for a week and made myself read other blogs. From writers to lifestyle bloggers, I took in as much as I could and learned exactly what appeals to me as a reader. From there, I went back to my first piece of crappy writing and I changed the entire thing.
Basically, that particular blog post was inspired by people always telling me I shouldn’t want anything more in life– that I was never happy or satisfied with what I had. As you can imagine, I wrote from a place of anger at first which I can almost guarantee, would have offended many people had I published it. I re-wrote the piece based on how I felt. I didn’t place any blame or belittle other people’s opinions; I just expressed how wanting more makes me feel at times.
Regardless of what the post was about, I was so pleased with myself for being able to change my perspective and write about a subject I felt really strongly toward, without victimizing others and offending them. Yay for me!
Tonight though? Well tonight is sucking the life out of me because I cannot make myself publish that stupid blog post! The more I write, the more I expect from myself– and like Rome wasn’t built-in a day– I’m not seeing huge improvements in my work; I’m not seeing Huffington Post-worthy words in front of me. Which is another thing I’ve been avoiding– submitting any of my work to publications such as Huffington Post or Metro because maybe I’m not good enough yet? Maybe it’s too soon?
Maybe I should just grow some balls and stop being such a big girls blouse and do it already. What’s the worst that could happen?
“Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion.”
– Michael Jordan
Yes, I did just quote Michael Jordan and only because I happened to be listening to motivational videos on YouTube which seem to only ever feature quotes from either basketball players, Rocky Balboa, or Will Smith. Seriously, listen to them in the gym and there will be no stopping you. In fact, maybe I should have put this on earlier to encourage me to get my butt in gear!
Anyhow, it shouldn’t make a single difference to me whether people like what I have to say or not– writing is creative, and therefore subjective; some people will love your words, whilst others may hate them. Kind of like artists in a way– does anyone really know what Picasso’s clock painting was about? Are there people out there who hate it? Probably. Did he care? Probably not.
Nowadays, there seems to be some confusion between bloggers and writers and I don’t really know where I sit just yet. I’d like to be more of a writer– I think– but I know at the moment my writing is too casual and my grammar is sometimes all over the place. I get confused as to whether I should use a comma, a bracket or a dash because apparently they pretty much all do the same thing!
I know right?
Even if I don’t publish a blog post which was originally intended, I’m making myself write something every week, and at the moment, this seems to fall on a Monday. For now though, I’m going to forget about that blog post and return to it in a few days when hopefully it will seem a lot more appealing for me to share.